[The work-from-home arrangement due to the community quarantine has afforded the author the opportunity to revisit her files, where she discovered some notes in her journal that she would like to share with the public.]
About five years ago, I went through one of the most challenging periods in my married life. Hoping to get a break from the seemingly hopeless and ever-escalating conflicts, I decided to go on a three-day retreat. It was at what used to be the Hilltop Conference Center in Cubao where I received some of the greatest gifts that I will forever treasure in my heart.
Exactly as I planned and wished for, I found solitude and realized I had more time to pray and be spiritually renewed. I also appreciated the well-prepared meals and the change in environment.
While browsing through some books available in the retreat house, I had some epiphanies. Apparently, despite the different formation activities I attended in school and in my parish, I was taking the idea of marriage very lightly, without any considerations of the lifelong commitment it entailed and the vow I made to God and to my husband.
“Any small token of love you do (to your spouse) is a token of love to Christ,” I read. I was reminded of my desire to somehow repay God for the many blessings He has given me. That line motivated me to struggle with and overcome my pride, to be more understanding, and to be a little kinder again to my husband. I did not know how and where to start; after all, I was still hurting. But I was sure that I wanted to try. I wanted to do it for Him.
The line “Have you loved enough?” made me realize how seldom I had shown my love and affection towards my husband. I realized that I attached too many conditions to the love that I was giving. How little and self-centered my love was compared to the love of God!
“Do not postpone any good deed” reinforced my realization that I have to love more. It was like hearing my guardian angel say, “Let go NOW. Forgive NOW. Do not postpone! You’re in a retreat; free yourself from that pride and hatred.” I remember making the decision to reach out to my husband. I texted him (with a bit of hesitance and fear) and asked him if we could have dinner after my retreat so we could talk.
I realized from the retreat that marriage is something that should be defended not only because it is a lifelong commitment but also because it was designed by God to serve a higher purpose. I felt that He did not allow me to call it quits with my husband because he and I are both serving in our parish, and, despite the challenges and problems we face, we did not stop seeking His help.
Of course, my relationship with my husband was not restored overnight; it took years before it improved. However, I can gratefully say that God is the one who, many times and unexpectedly, provided all the means to fix our relationship. Indeed, “Be faithful and you will overcome.”
In the same retreat, I also received an unexpected blessing. To me, it was like a bonus. It was God proving His generosity and providential care, which is always more than what we expect and deserve.
During one of the talks, I found myself listening to a speaker who shared many inspiring and compelling stories about her family life. I realized that I wanted to be like her, too. I wanted the same quality of relationship that she had with God, with her husband, her daughters, and granddaughter, even. In particular, I found myself drawn to the anecdotes about how she bonded with her granddaughter. She shared that she would bring her to the adoration chapel, talk to her about Mama Mary and the saints, and that they would light the candle and pray.
Another important thing I learned from her talk was that, as a mother, I should be striving to live a life that is worthy of being a good role model to my children and, hopefully, to my children’s children. It made me think that if I do not live peacefully and lovingly with my husband, I would not be able to teach my children and my future grandchildren about love and forgiveness. Suddenly, all the emotions that I was struggling with prior to the retreat were replaced by a desire to be a good mother.
Although I did not get a chance to talk to the speaker during the retreat, I remembered her face because her smile reminded me of my mother’s – very caring, cheerful, and assured of herself. Her peaceful and radiant disposition was something that rubbed on me, I guess on everybody too. It was a moment of “grace” to have listened to her.
Sometime later after the retreat, I would see that same lady walking in the campus with her granddaughter, who happened to be a nursery student in our school. Many times I would see her attending Mass at the Stella Orientis Oratory as well. Providentially, our human resource personnel asked me around that same time to choose a mentor. Feeling the need for that lady’s wisdom and guidance, I did not hesitate to ask if I can have an outsider for a mentor. HR approved, so I went around asking people in the University if they knew her or her name so I could contact her. With only vague descriptions of her (since I’m not good at it), I failed to locate her.
But it did not take long when another unexpected thing happened—I found myself parking my car beside hers at the PSB! I seized the moment and did not think twice to ask her the million-dollar question—if she can be my mentor (without anything to offer in return, imagine how embarrassing that was!). She may have found my inquiry a little weird, but her response was “Oh, I would be very glad to be your mentor!”
Since then, we would chat regularly for long hours, and, at least for me, every meeting was sweet, personal, and meaningful. It is not something that I was forced to do; we just enjoyed being able to share our lives with each other; naturally, including our struggles and prayers.
It has been two years since that day in PSB* when I believe God set up my mentor-mentee relationship. Since then, the speaker-turned-mentor has become a good friend of mind, someone who I consider as family as well. And it’s not only because of her generosity with her time, but also through her assurance of prayers, her consistent thoughtfulness, and her small and great acts of kindness.
I honor her too because of her humility. Despite people looking up to her and seeking her professionally as a marriage and family life coach, she admits to ordinary, everyday struggles. Many times, she would also laugh at herself as if saying, “This is embarrassing, but this is me; I’m not perfect,” and it just makes me admire her more. Most of all, she has never imposed herself on, by telling me to go to talks or retreats. And with that, I feel she understands and respects my freedom, my own efforts and preferences. I just love this bonus from God.
And just like in the prayer we say after each meditation, I too thank God for all the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that He communicated to me in that retreat. I am sure there are a lot more to learn, but I hope that in the process I can also be to others what my mentor is to me: a blessing.#
*PSB – Parking and Sports Building of UA&P
Banner photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash.
Leave a Reply